Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm a Runner?!?!?

It's been a full 24 hours (and some change) since I have had a bite of ice cream, aka my heroin! I need to add a little ticker thingy to the top of my blog that shows when the last time I ate ice cream so I can hold myself accountable and you all can spy on me. HA! I will have a hard time NOT avoiding then but damnit, I can't touch that stuff otherwise I get sucked back into the tailspin of ice cream addiction. It's bad. People say, oh have skinny cow or half the fat, but the problem is....I will sit and eat it all. Not just the "suggested serving", no I will eat the entire freaking carton because it is in my freezer, no other reason than that. Damn you ice cream, damn you!!!!

I started a "Couch to 5k" program with a local running group. Yep, gonna feel some pain tomorrow but what a sweet pain it will be! I had been doing a C25K program that was on my phone on the treadmill at the gym but doing it with a group of people and knowing that people are watching, my competitive nature comes out and I refuse to give up. It's a helluva lot harder running outside than on the treadmill. Damnit. I really think if I stay away from the ice cream the scale will move since my band is super tight and can't over indulge on anything other than ice cream. While I was out "running", I kept thinking how badly I want to be able to say that I am a runner. I have never said that. I mean, gosh, how cool would it be to be able to find "enjoyment" from going for a run with a local running group? Weird concept right now but I hope to someday think that way.

Is it possible that my band may be too tight? I really can't eat much without getting stuck and/or throwing it up. Do you think that maybe I want to eat the ice cream because I can't get satisfaction from food? So, I try to get the food satisfaction from ice cream since it is the only thing that goes down with absolutely no problem? Or is my addiction to food so damn overwhelming that I am gonna have to fight like hell to get through this? If only they fixed my brain when they put the band in. HA! What do you think?


Sunday, April 24, 2011


Gawd! I don't even know what to say. I have been absent from blogland for over a month. I have been avoiding. Avoiding telling you all that I have been VERY bad. Avoiding hearing all the success stories. Avoiding feeling like a failure. Avoiding! Avoiding, avoiding, avoiding. My therapist says I can't avoid anymore. I skipped an appt with her. She spanked me and then told me that I can't avoid anymore. Even if I don't want to talk about the nitty gritty, I still have to come to my appointments and see her. We don't have to talk, we can play cards but NO MORE AVOIDING. So I am back (I've said that before) and this time I will stop avoiding blogland. If I fudge up then I will tell you and if I have a success, I will tell you that too.

Happy Easter! I got a new camera last week and have been taking pictures like crazy. When I say I love pictures, I freaking mean it. I am going to try to transfer my food addiction to photography. Maybe it will help. I don't know.

This grass was very frustrating for Miss Macy!

I hope you all had a WONDERFUL Easter. We did. I will "avoid" avoiding...hahaha! Talk to you all soon and I will be catching up on BLOGS asap! Muah!