Confession..

I have to confess that I am not really feeling all warm and fuzzy about blogging anymore. I know what I need to do to lose weight. I am back to doing it. It will always be a struggle and I'm ok with that. I just want to focus on me, my family, my business, my art and my job.

I don't know.

Just wanted to get that out there.

That Damn Wagon!

Well, I fell off the wagon and it has left me far behind. I have made some half-assed attempts at catching the wagon and getting back on but no luck. I know there are multiple factors why I am having difficulties. I have the new photography business (Kerri Collins Photography) and that is taking all my available free time. I haven't quite figured out how to manage my time yet. How do I go workout when I could be editing and posting and marketing myself? It's hard to do that. I have also been eating like crap (literally speaking) because I think it is because I am exhausted and craving carbs. I have even started drinking Diet Coke again. BAAADD! When you eat crap and are sedentary....you don't lose weight. You even gain. I haven't gotten on the scale in weeks. I don't want to weigh myself because I know I have gained, I can feel it but I just can't get my head back in the game. I know it will happen. I'm not driving myself crazy over it either. Taking it day by day. I had my band loosened last Thursday. I was having trouble just drinking and would PB all the time. It was miserable. I started eating ice cream more because I had the urge to EAT and couldn't eat anything else. Sometimes your body needs to go through the motion of eating and when it doesn't...you want to eat MORE. Hallelujah, I can eat again. I have restriction and I think I am at a good spot for now.

I have also been neglecting blogs, so sorry! I need an assistant! :) Or just a husband that helps me more. 3 kids, full time job, my own business, keeping up with the house, tending to the husband (hint, hint) etc.....it's crazy and I am going crazy!

Note to self...

STOP EATING CRAP
GET YOUR ASS UP AND MOVE
DON'T PROMISE CLIENTS SOMETHING YOU CAN'T GIVE (time)
ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE HUMAN


P.S. BOOBS is quickly approaching! Stephanie will be blogging about my photography services available for BOOBS. Have you ever thought about having "glamour shots" (not the cheesy kind, more like modeling), professional portraits or even boudoir photos taken of yourself? If so, Chicago would be a great place to have them taken and I would LOVE to take them. Contact me if you would like to schedule a time or discuss in further detail! :)

I will....

I will workout today.

I will log my food.

I will workout today.

I will log my food.

I will workout today.

I will log my food.

I will treat my body with respect.

I will eat food that will fuel my body and brain.

I will succeed!

Hey YOU!

Yeah, you!!! I'm talking to you! Having 2 blogs is a PITA! I typed up a great post and put it in my photog blog, not this one and had to delete it. I thought I copied it so I could paste her but evidently not. Damn!

Let's begin!!!

I haven't exercised since Saturday. I have figured out that I am a bit in self-sabotage mode and the hormones are raging because Aunt Flo is visiting. Saturday was my first 5k that I was going to RUN. Not walk. I made it approx 2.5 miles and had to walk. I was hot, nauseaous and wanted to die. My legs felt like noodles and I just couldn't go any further so I walked a few blocks and then ran to the finish line. My 2010 time was 59 minutes and my 2011 time was 46 minutes. Yes, that is an awesome improvement and I am overall very happy with my time but I think deep down, I am punishing myself. I am working on it. I mean hell, I have figured out what the problem is instead of saying, "I dunno" while eating a gallon on ice cream. This weight loss stuff is hard as hell but ya know what's harder...getting inside our heads and figuring out why we do what we do. I'm trying!

I am honored to report that my blog was chosen as one of the Top 50 Bariatric Blogs. This is pretty damn cool because alot of my superhero bloggers are on the same list! YAHOO! Wow, someone is actually interested in my blog! I feel bad because I have been neglecting my blog so I can focus on my photog business. I will try to make a more conscious effort to make BOTH a priority!

Speaking of the photog business....Beth and Stephanie have both mentioned having me take some kick-ass photos of them at BOOBS. I would be honored. If anyone else is interested, please let me know. I love taking pictures so get your pose on ladies!!!

If you get a chance, please take a moment to LIKE my business page on FB. I am trying to get my name out! I really appreaciate it! Muah!!!!

Sneak Peek

I'm so sorry that I have been absent from my band blog. I have been so busy trying to get my photography business up and running. Check out my photography blog and let me know what you think. Leave me some love! Kerri Collins Photography

I have so much to talk about so I will be back tomorrow. Here is a teaser for tomorrow's post:

• Confession (Damn ice cream)
• My 1st 5K (Running)
• Aunt Flo and NOT wanting to exercise
• Much, much more!

See you all tomorrow. Much love!!!!

NSV

No, my butt is not cute like Macy's but I have a NSV to report.  At work today I went into one of the exam rooms to say HI to one of the mothers. I happen to be friends with her on FB too. She sees my posts about running and weight loss. So, I walk in the room and she says "You are looking really good". And I sincerely said THANK YOU. I accepted that compliment without hesitation. Not one bit. I needed to hear that. I LOVE hearing that. I thrive on compliments from others since (as we all know) sometimes it is hard to see the weight loss.

Comparison Photos

This photo was taken late spring 2009. Matthew won Student of the Year award and we were at his award ceremony and dinner. It was amazing and made us very proud. I can remember trying to use Matthew to hide behind. It didn't work so well. This weekend we attended a weekend. One year after the band and nearly 80+ lbs less. When I first saw this pic, I saw FAT. FAT, FAT, FAT. Will I ever be happy with the way I look? I don't know. A friend saw this pic and said OMG. She said it was a great pic and that I am clearly smaller so I decided to find an old photo (hard to find) to compare to. Now that I can see the pics together, I can see the difference. I love my band.