Why do we (I) self-sabotage? Last week I stepped on the scale and didn't like the # I saw. I hated the freaking # that popped up. I wanted to scream and kick and punch something...really hard. I threw in the towel and told myself that I was destined to be fat forever. I ate a total of 3 half gallons of ice cream. Gawd, I hate typing that. I ate like crap over this past weekend, past week and didn't step in the gym the entire week. I did go see my therapist and she helped me figure out (even though I already knew) that I was self-sabotaging. Why do I do that? Everything was going so dang well until I stepped on the scale and saw a # that I didn't want to see. I should have just stayed on track but instead I continued eating ice cream (and anything else that I could get my grubby hands on) and stopped exercising.
The good new is....I am back on track today and will be going to workout tonight. I am counting my calories and will try to stay around 1,000 cals (intake). I'm going to TRY to not focus so much on the # on the scale and focus more on how I feel. I do feel better when I exercise and eat well. I have more energy and am slightly less grouchy. I feel like this weight loss journey is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes there will be highs and other times there will be lows. I may enjoy the ride one moment and the next be sick of it and want to get off. I may even get off the ride and go get some ice cream with the intention to get back on the ride asap. I know this is a journey but damnit...it is hard as hell.
Chapter 38: This one is for me
2 weeks ago