Why do we (I) self-sabotage? Last week I stepped on the scale and didn't like the # I saw. I hated the freaking # that popped up. I wanted to scream and kick and punch something...really hard. I threw in the towel and told myself that I was destined to be fat forever. I ate a total of 3 half gallons of ice cream. Gawd, I hate typing that. I ate like crap over this past weekend, past week and didn't step in the gym the entire week. I did go see my therapist and she helped me figure out (even though I already knew) that I was self-sabotaging. Why do I do that? Everything was going so dang well until I stepped on the scale and saw a # that I didn't want to see. I should have just stayed on track but instead I continued eating ice cream (and anything else that I could get my grubby hands on) and stopped exercising.
The good new is....I am back on track today and will be going to workout tonight. I am counting my calories and will try to stay around 1,000 cals (intake). I'm going to TRY to not focus so much on the # on the scale and focus more on how I feel. I do feel better when I exercise and eat well. I have more energy and am slightly less grouchy. I feel like this weight loss journey is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes there will be highs and other times there will be lows. I may enjoy the ride one moment and the next be sick of it and want to get off. I may even get off the ride and go get some ice cream with the intention to get back on the ride asap. I know this is a journey but damnit...it is hard as hell.
Existing With Trauma
1 year ago
Extremely hard! Extremely frustrating! I'm constantly amazed at all you moms/family folks that are able to do this. I don't have to worry about what my husband/kids are going to eat or what they are going to do while I work out. The fact that you are doing this is on its own...just awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you got off track, but I'm glad you are back! When do you hear about Macy's picture?
One day of eating the wrong foods isn't a big deal. It's best to forget about it and move on, which sounds like that's what you've done. We all mess up - it's getting back in control as quickly as possible that's important.
ReplyDeleteI hear you... It is one hard road but each step we take on it makes us stronger and more able to take another one.
ReplyDeleteWe all have times like that...I had my girl scout cookie weekend a few weekends ago and it sucks, but we know now that we just need to get right back on the horse and try again. The fact thatyou recognize your issues, is a step in the positive direction. Hugs to you, Kerri!
ReplyDeleteI was frustrated for you last week! It just doesn't seem fair when you're working so hard, but too often those slow losses are related to hormones or some other temporary situation. I'm glad you are back to it this week.
ReplyDeleteyup-been there done that. Wait..I am still doing it! Take heart though that the band helps even out those highs and lows. I cannot tell you the numbers of ice cream fests I had along the way but I am still here..at goal..sort of :)
ReplyDeletethis game is a complicated one and all you can do is the best you can do and then try harder the next time.
xxxooo
The self sabotage is SO wierd!!! I have been doing it for WEEKS! The psychology behind it has to be so deep. I not only eat horribly but I ley my nails grow out and my roots grow out and dont go to the tanning bed. I basically let my entire life go to shit. I have no clue why we do this to ourselves. Im on a mission to stop though this week. hopefully I can undo some of the damage ive done.
ReplyDeletePlease, I do the self-sabotage without realising it. At least you recognise it and have moved away from it :o)
ReplyDeleteSame here....exactly! Gah it sucks!
ReplyDelete