Monday, February 7, 2011


I have started the 5 Day Pouch Test today. I am so stinking hungry but I am listening to my body and drinking my protein shake when I get the hunger pangs. I needed to get back on track and back to the basics because I have been eating like crazy. Emotional eating, boredom eating, happy eating, "just because" name it, I had a reason to eat. My drug of choice is ice cream and unfortunately it is a "slider". I am feeling like I am non in control of my eating and therefore starting the 5 day pouch test to get control again. I also have not been exercising routinely and am going back tonight. I'm not trying to make excuses but it is hard as hell to workout. First, find the motivation and energy after working all day. Second, getting all 3 kiddos to go without at least one throwing a fit. Third, feeding all the kids prior to working out since I workout in the evenings. Fourth, dealing with the guilt that my 1 year old cries nearly the entire time she is in childcare because she hates it. Fifth, getting all the kids home in time for bed, snack and still do some of the housework before falling into bed. There you have at least 5 reasons why sitting on the couch after work is so much easier (physically and mentally). It will be easier when the weather is nice and I can put the little one in the stroller and just go walk or run.

This is such a mental game. Every stinking day is a mental struggle not to go eat everything under the sun. Some days I try to eat everything and some days I am ok. I know that blogging helps me. It helps me get all the struggles and feelings out instead of shoving them deeper inside and then covering it with food. I have to stop this otherwise I will have gotten the band for no reason and will eat myself to death. There are so many reasons why I want to be thinner but sometimes those reasons get pushed so far down that I can't find the strength to stop the urges of wanting to eat. I wonder if a medication used to decrease impulsivety would help with us over eaters. We mostly eat impulsively, don't we?

I am seeing a therapist nest Wednesday. She supposedly has experience with eating disorders and addiction so I am hoping that she can help me. Are there any good books that anyone can recommend? I need something. I am desperate.

My weight today: 280 (6 lb gain). Now you all know and I am being accountable. I will be back tomorrow.


  1. It sounds to me like a gym work out just isn't a good option for you right now. So what else can you do? Is taking a walk or bike ride an option? How about Wii Fit or an exercise video? Can you get a treadmill or elipticle machine for your house?

    I've lost 100+ and not set foot in a gym the entire time, but I still exercise. It really helps keep the weight loss on track and also helps with mental/emotional health and general well-being.

    It sounds like you're getting back on track with the food and by seeing the therapist. I know you can do this! Do you need a fill?

  2. Will be interested in hearing how the pouch test goes. Not quite sure I understand what it is supposed to do. Just feels like a 5 day diet, but maybe I'm just not getting it. Good luck.

  3. Good luck! You will do great and I hope the 5 day pouch test gives you the kick start you need!

  4. Glad you are back! missed your return post a few weeks ago but was definitely wondering how you were doing and noticed you were missing. I so understand the ice cream thing...somehow over the past few months it has become a weakness...Most importantly for you though, you are getting back on track, posting and being accountable..taking the step to do the 5 day test (which I think I would like to try at some point), is a big can do it!!

  5. I have not gone back and caught up on your blog ( I myself have been away from blogging myself)
    But Let me ask this ... Do you have a fill in ? Or what is your restriction like?
    My personal opinion of the 5 day pouch test is , if you need to do it , or feel the need to do it , you probably need a fill . I read through this post and you are saying you have gained some weight ( not judging i have been unfilled for a year and gained 40 ) I did not see anything about a fill . Im just curious why you dont get a fill ?