Comparison Photos

This photo was taken late spring 2009. Matthew won Student of the Year award and we were at his award ceremony and dinner. It was amazing and made us very proud. I can remember trying to use Matthew to hide behind. It didn't work so well. This weekend we attended a weekend. One year after the band and nearly 80+ lbs less. When I first saw this pic, I saw FAT. FAT, FAT, FAT. Will I ever be happy with the way I look? I don't know. A friend saw this pic and said OMG. She said it was a great pic and that I am clearly smaller so I decided to find an old photo (hard to find) to compare to. Now that I can see the pics together, I can see the difference. I love my band.

Poo-Poo

I have a little poo question for all you bandsters. What do you do to get enough Fiber in your diet? I can't eat fibrous fruits and veggies so I am having some issues in the bathroom department. :(

Hi

Just wanted to say Hi!

Ice Cream Therapy and Gardening

So.....there is this little ice cream shop here in town and they always have a little sign out front with a clever little saying to catch your attention and hopefully stop for some ice cream. Well, as you all know, ice cream is my drug and so I have been avoiding it like the plague. I wanted to share this little message that is currently on the sign because I think it is ironic and applies to the "OLD ME".

Let me start by saying, YES, this sign is TRUE but if you have ice cream therapy daily then you will eventually kill yourself or end up like me, working my ass off trying to get the weight off! I go to therapy and it is expensive but so is obesity. You have to buy bigger clothes and shop in "specialty stores". If you are depressed from the weight, you may take a medication which can be costly. It is truly a vicious cycle. I never want to be that way again and I won't allow it either.

 Boy, oh boy, gardening is easier and somewhat enjoyable when you can physically do it! In previous years my husband did it all and I just "supervised"! Put it there! Not there! To the left! To the right! But this year, nope, I did it.


My mom came to our house to help because I do not have a green thumb and am kinda plant retarded. So, I asked for her expertise. At first, I was a bit intimidated but soon I was practically rolling in the dirt. Digging out weeds left and right. Bending over, squatting, kneeling, up and down. You name it, I was doing it and I felt AWESOME afterward. It is so rewarding. I've been on the sidelines for so long and I don't want to be there any longer. I wasn't to DO not WATCH! It's amazing!




Macy sure enjoyed gardening too! :)

Happy FRIDAY and BYOC!

1. When is the last time you gave and got a compliment?



Yesterday I was given a compliment by one of our patients. She said I was looking good. Today I told my oldest son that he was a good brother to his sister.




2. What do you wear to bed?


PJ pants and an old, stained, ratty t-shirt! Comfy!




3. If you could pick your dream job – with no worries of shifts or money or bosses or commute – what would it be and where?


Photographer!


4. Okay – I’m not trying to start some huge controversy with this question but I have to put it out there. If you’re being honest – do you think staying at home or working outside the home is harder? Can you honestly recognize they are both equally hard? Even if you don’t have kids – have you heard others talk about the two professions judgementally?


I have 3 kids (15, 9 and 17 months) and am grateful to be able to go to work. Being a stay at home mom is just not for me. BOTH are equally difficult! I work full-time, manage 3 kid's lives, my life, the house, the hubby and am trying to get healthy in between! It's hard to balance it all but everyday I do my best!




5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.


This week has been pretty good even thought the scale didn't move on Tuesday (weigh-in day). I have continued to workout daily and log all the food I eat. I am feeling GREAT mentally and physically. Had a great therapy session on Tuesday and learned that I need to be less of a sponge and more of a rock. Everyday is a new day, new beginning and a new day to learn something new!


Have a GREAT weekend!

Be a Rock

BE MORE OF A ROCK AND LESS OF A SPONGE!

TAKE TIME TO DANCE AND PLAY IN THE RAIN!



Both photos I took and both photos can teach us a powerful message.

Behind The Camera

I feel most comfortable BEHIND the camera. Hidden. I hate that I do, but I just do.

Last night hubby and I went to a bachelor/bachelorette party. We went to a hotel (kid-free), had dinner and drinks, went to a comedy club, had more drinks, went to bed and then had brunch this morning. It was fun and the company was great but I felt out of place the entire time. I felt uncomfortable. I felt fat. I am, of course, the fattest person in the group of friends and even though I am smaller than what I was...I still feel OVER 300 lbs! Somedays I look at myself and see the changes and other days I see nothing but FAT. Well, yesterday was that day. People were snapping pics and I was in barely any. I just don't want to see myself. So I kept wondering if I will ever be happy with my body and my weight? I have this fat apron that will never go away without surgery. I have TERRIBLE bat arms that will never go away without surgery. Will I ever be happy and self-confident? Will I ever think someone is looking at me and admiring me rather than thinking something about my weight? "Look at that fat girl." It's fucked up thinking, I know but a lifetime of obesity and damage will not heal and repair in 1 year or 73lbs! I know this but when I get these thoughts in my head....it is hard as hell to get them out.

One last thing....I went to Target and tried on some workout shirts. TOO FREAKING SMALL (yes, even the 2xl). I HATE TIGHT CLOTHES so even though the 2xl "fit" I don't like TIGHT so my question is...where can I buy/order workout/running shirts that are made for "big girls" and that are also LONG enough to help conseal my fat apron?