I have been thinking about attending the B.O.O.B.S. Chicago event in September but am not sure if I want to go. I mean, I want to go but not sure if I will feel comfortable. What if I hate it and want to go home? I live my life in the shadows because I am too afraid of what people are thinking about me. "Oh, look at that fat girl"! I would say that about myself! I have read in Amy W.'s blog that just because you are fat doesn't mean you should stop living. Well, I stopped living a LONG time ago. Do you know how much I love amusement parks and water parks? I LOVE them. I will go to a water park but will only go in the wave pool or lazy river. The entire time telling myself over and over...I will never see these people again so it is ok that they see me in a bathing suit! It causes a butt load of anxiety and I am uncomfortable the entire time. The fun, wild, free spirit inside me wants to come out but is too dang worried about what others are thinking! I hate it.
Do you know that one of my biggest concerns with going to Chicago is that I am worried I will be the fattest person there?!? Yes, that is sooo ridiculous. I know that. I really do. My my stinking brain won't stop thinking it. I mean, so what if I really am the fattest person there. I am still on the path to getting thinner and healthier it just may take me longer than some because of the amount of weight I have to lose. I also don't want to be a band failure and then go to Chicago and see all the band successes. The only reason I am thinking like that is because I am in bandster hell so forgive me for feeling sorry for myself. I am working through it and will make it through this hell. Anyway, what should I do?
I also have 3 kiddos (14, 8 and 6 months) and that will make it difficult to leave. My hubby may not be so happy with having to tend to the children by himself for the weekend. But on the other hand, I never do anything for myself and by myself so I deserve a get-a-way! Right?!?
Ok, so day 2 of tracking on My Fitness Pal and walking for 50 minutes. I sweat my balls off. Yep, I said balls. I like to say balls. Sorry! Ok, I sweat my big butt off which I guess is the point of exercising. It felt good mentally and somewhat physically to get out there and walk 2 days in a row. Makes me feel good about myself and feel that I am making progress. I stayed within my allotted calories and even enjoyed a Snickers bar. Yum! I know that once I have restriction I probably will not be able to have that so, I am enjoying while I can but still staying within my allotted calories! If any of you are on My fitness Pal, please friend me! My user name is Kerri76. I would love for someone to look at my daily meals and tell me what you think I should do differently!