I have been thinking about attending the B.O.O.B.S. Chicago event in September but am not sure if I want to go. I mean, I want to go but not sure if I will feel comfortable. What if I hate it and want to go home? I live my life in the shadows because I am too afraid of what people are thinking about me. "Oh, look at that fat girl"! I would say that about myself! I have read in Amy W.'s blog that just because you are fat doesn't mean you should stop living. Well, I stopped living a LONG time ago. Do you know how much I love amusement parks and water parks? I LOVE them. I will go to a water park but will only go in the wave pool or lazy river. The entire time telling myself over and over...I will never see these people again so it is ok that they see me in a bathing suit! It causes a butt load of anxiety and I am uncomfortable the entire time. The fun, wild, free spirit inside me wants to come out but is too dang worried about what others are thinking! I hate it.
Do you know that one of my biggest concerns with going to Chicago is that I am worried I will be the fattest person there?!? Yes, that is sooo ridiculous. I know that. I really do. My my stinking brain won't stop thinking it. I mean, so what if I really am the fattest person there. I am still on the path to getting thinner and healthier it just may take me longer than some because of the amount of weight I have to lose. I also don't want to be a band failure and then go to Chicago and see all the band successes. The only reason I am thinking like that is because I am in bandster hell so forgive me for feeling sorry for myself. I am working through it and will make it through this hell. Anyway, what should I do?
I also have 3 kiddos (14, 8 and 6 months) and that will make it difficult to leave. My hubby may not be so happy with having to tend to the children by himself for the weekend. But on the other hand, I never do anything for myself and by myself so I deserve a get-a-way! Right?!?
Ok, so day 2 of tracking on My Fitness Pal and walking for 50 minutes. I sweat my balls off. Yep, I said balls. I like to say balls. Sorry! Ok, I sweat my big butt off which I guess is the point of exercising. It felt good mentally and somewhat physically to get out there and walk 2 days in a row. Makes me feel good about myself and feel that I am making progress. I stayed within my allotted calories and even enjoyed a Snickers bar. Yum! I know that once I have restriction I probably will not be able to have that so, I am enjoying while I can but still staying within my allotted calories! If any of you are on My fitness Pal, please friend me! My user name is Kerri76. I would love for someone to look at my daily meals and tell me what you think I should do differently!
Goodnight!
Come to Chicago! You have no reason to have any type of anxiety about this group of gals. We are all on different parts of this journey, and we are all super supportive of each other. Not only that, but we all understand what you are feeling. We've been there.
ReplyDeleteYes, you do DESERVE something for yourself. I think a big part of my most recent weight gain (pre-band) was because I started neglecting the most important person, ME! I understand husbands can be funny sometimes, but I think he would understand that this is something you need to do...for you.
Hope to see you in Chicago!
I totally understand how you feel. I have people constantly telling me to get out there and meet people. What they don't understand is how uncomfortable I feel in my own skin. How much I hate to have people looking at me and judging me, or worse, not even noticing me. I decided that this was the year I would stop letting my weight get in the way of me living my life. Whether we are just starting out, met our goals or lost in band hell, we have to find the strength in ourselves to be SEEN!
ReplyDeleteSo pack your bags and get ready to show off your confidence.
Well, you know already how I feel. I think it would be wonderful for you to go. Please go read Drazil's blog about stepping out of the shadows: http://justmedrazil.blogspot.com/2010/06/wanna-play-hide-and-seek.html
ReplyDeleteI'd comment on your food choices but I have absolutely no idea how to search via someone's username. Can you give a link to your profile on food on that website?
ReplyDeleteChristine
www.phoenixrevolution.net
I hope you come to Chicago, just so you can see that you can be part of a special time. We all have our anxiety and some look at me and think I don't need to lose any weight (I'm now 182) and I worry I won't fit in because I'm not fat enough! I am doing this for health reasons so I don't die in a few years but I still have a "fat" brain. Does it matter if you are the fattest person there-not to me and everyone else. What matters to us is that you take care of yourself. If you can, please come. We will make sure everyone has a spectacular time. BTW, you have such cutie patootie kiddies-I assume the pics of the 3M's are your kiddies.
ReplyDeleteStephanie of Dreams of Skinny High Heels mentioned you are in bandster hell and could use some support. I don't have the band yet, but am scheduled for July 9th - as long as I get approval from my insurance. This post sounds so much like mine that I wrote in April http://wishingandhopingandprayingforaband.blogspot.com/2010/04/is-anybody-else-nervous.html. You are not alone. Hope to meet you in Chicago.
ReplyDeleteI hope you come to Chicago. Just remember, even if some people are super skinny and at goal - we've ALL been there and we're all on the journey. Almost everyone has expressed insecurity about going, but we're going to have a great time.
ReplyDeleteDude...you've got to come. If you don't you'll spend weeks after we all get back reading our posts with Chicago references and you'll kick yourself for not joining in on what promises to be an awesome experience for us all.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read your whole post yet (hit and run commenting, here) but I had those same ambivalent feelings regarding doing a training last weekend. "What if I hated it?" In my case, if it was horrible, I was stuck in there with NO recourse as the only way out of the area was by private traincar.
ReplyDeleteI stretched and I loved it. Stretch with us; you'll love it.
I think we all have these feelings...I know I do and I am coming from Australia. If you can come please do...I will be there hoping with all hope that you like me...so at least I will love you. I have been the fattest before but if you can't be the fattest with a bunch of lapbanders who can you be with???? We have all been there...hope to see you there :)
ReplyDeleteYou should go to BOOBS! I will be going if I can afford it. And when you no longer let the fat hold you back, YOU LIVE LIFE!!! It's an amazing feeling!
ReplyDeleteHey Girl! Welcome to Bandster Hell! The good news is, it's temporary! Thank you for visiting my blog! I look forward to following your SUCCESS on your journey. I will be in Chicago and would love to see you there!
ReplyDeleteI saw that you were following me now. Thanks! I also saw that your kids are close in age to mine.
ReplyDeleteWhat is BOOBS?
ReplyDeleteJeanine check out:
ReplyDeletehttp://sisterhoodofthetravelingbandits.blogspot.com/2010/06/hotel-stuff-take-2.html
Let me know if you need any more info!
Oh wow, this is going to be so close to home! Have you decided if you are going to go yet?
ReplyDeleteJeanine, not sure if I am going yet. I want to go but not sure if my hubby will let me! He hates when I am away and who will care for the 3 kiddos? So, I don't know yet! Are you going to go?
ReplyDeleteI want to but I dont really talk to many of the bloggers and I dont have much time to sit on the comp and try to get to know them, wish I had more time! So I guess we will see. And you should do it for yourself! He should watch the 3 kiddos!!!!
ReplyDelete