Thursday, May 6, 2010

I FELL HARD...trying to pick myself up!

So, as you all know, I am on my pre-op diet which consists of 3 protein shakes, broth, jello, popsicles and water. YUM, I know! Well, I am having one heck of a time with the protein shakes. I had read on LBT that I should be consuming the whey protein shakes, not soy. I personally enjoy the soy protein shakes. Herbalife has really yummy shakes that are low in calories and carbs. They don't have a really high amount of protein but with the added protein from milk and the protein powder I should have no problem getting the required amount of protein in everyday! Anyway, I have been a little physically hungry but more "head hungry". Which really sucks. Yesterday I FELL HARD....

I did fine with my pre-op diet at work but when I got home, I ate and ate and ate! I had 2 small bags of chips, ice cream, a donut and 2 bowls of cereal! DISGUSTING! I know!  After I ate it all, I felt terrible. I was depressed, pissed, etc! I kept questioning whether or not I should have the surgery and whether or not all these cRaZy food thoughts would ever go away. I even had a hard time sleeping last night because of the guilt! What also fueled my guilt was that I read on LBT that someone was cheating on her pre-op diet and the multiple responses were that she shouldn't get the band because if she couldn't stick to the pre-op diet, she wouldn't be able to follow the post-op diet! Is this true? I know if my stomach is banded I will not be able to eat like that! I can certainly make poor food choices but I certainly will not be able to eat THAT much! I plan on changing the way I eat too. Proteins first, then veggies and by then I should be full I am trying to focus on only eating when I have hunger pangs! I am trying to stop my thoughts of food and remind myself why I am doing this.

I talked to the nurse from my surgeon's office, so nice, and she reassured me that it would be ok. She told me to stop being so hard on myself. I am super hard on myself. I get upset with myself and then I stuff my face with anything I can find. I guess I am punishing myself! Why....??? I guess the Lap-Band is forcing my brain to start thinking differently. I am only 4 days in...for goodness sakes! Please tell me that this is all normal. That I will succeed! That I can do this!


  1. Yikes, Kerri!! Don't do that again. I don't agree with the people who say that this means you should not get banded, but you do need to think about why you went so crazy when you went off the pre-op diet. Why wasn't one bag of chips, or one bowl of cereal, etc. enough to satisfy you? Were you in a panic b/c you were feeling like you'd never be able to eat these things again?

    If so, relax. Getting the band really is NOT the end of being able to eat what you like. What it is is the beginning of being able to eat what you like WITHIN REASON. . and not having to feel like sh*t about it afterwards.

    Pull yourself together. Make a list of things you will do to stop yourself the next time you want to freakout on your pre-op diet (drink water, call a friend, cry, read the list, etc.) and maybe a list of reasons you don't want to cheat on it. It could help.

    Hang in there. . and don't do this again!! OK, now shake it off and make that list. :)


  2. Catherine, you are so wise! Thank for your words of wisdom and encouragement! I will make that list! Thank you... :)

  3. I just came across your post on LBT because I too am going through the same thing you are. I started liquids on monday and Ive done good up until today. I am starving, I wanna eat, and I want to eat everything!!

    I started to think if i'm thinking this way, should I really be having the lapband? But I guess its normal. Reading your post and finding your blog made it better. Made me think that I'm not the only one going through this. You have encouraged me to eat my soup tonight and drink my water.

    So thank you Kerri. Keep up the good work. Monday will be here before we know it. And then we can start our new lives. I will follow you on your journey. I wish you the best of luck.