So, as you all know, I am on my pre-op diet which consists of 3 protein shakes, broth, jello, popsicles and water. YUM, I know! Well, I am having one heck of a time with the protein shakes. I had read on LBT that I should be consuming the whey protein shakes, not soy. I personally enjoy the soy protein shakes. Herbalife has really yummy shakes that are low in calories and carbs. They don't have a really high amount of protein but with the added protein from milk and the protein powder I should have no problem getting the required amount of protein in everyday! Anyway, I have been a little physically hungry but more "head hungry". Which really sucks. Yesterday I FELL HARD....
I did fine with my pre-op diet at work but when I got home, I ate and ate and ate! I had 2 small bags of chips, ice cream, a donut and 2 bowls of cereal! DISGUSTING! I know! After I ate it all, I felt terrible. I was depressed, pissed, etc! I kept questioning whether or not I should have the surgery and whether or not all these cRaZy food thoughts would ever go away. I even had a hard time sleeping last night because of the guilt! What also fueled my guilt was that I read on LBT that someone was cheating on her pre-op diet and the multiple responses were that she shouldn't get the band because if she couldn't stick to the pre-op diet, she wouldn't be able to follow the post-op diet! Is this true? I know if my stomach is banded I will not be able to eat like that! I can certainly make poor food choices but I certainly will not be able to eat THAT much! I plan on changing the way I eat too. Proteins first, then veggies and by then I should be full I am trying to focus on only eating when I have hunger pangs! I am trying to stop my thoughts of food and remind myself why I am doing this.
I talked to the nurse from my surgeon's office, so nice, and she reassured me that it would be ok. She told me to stop being so hard on myself. I am super hard on myself. I get upset with myself and then I stuff my face with anything I can find. I guess I am punishing myself! Why....??? I guess the Lap-Band is forcing my brain to start thinking differently. I am only 4 days in...for goodness sakes! Please tell me that this is all normal. That I will succeed! That I can do this!
Chapter 38: This one is for me
2 weeks ago