Ice Cream

Oh, ice cream how I love thee!

Oh how I wish I could enjoy a single serving of ice cream and be able to walk away happy. With a big, happy grin on my face like the little one above. But I can't! Ice cream is my addiction. My heroin. My drug of choice. When times get tough I turn to ice cream and unfortunately it goes right through the band with no problems and so I can eat, eat, eat with no problems. I have been struggling lately. Struggling in my mind. I miss being able to eat so much I was uncomfortable. I miss certain foods. I miss being able to drown my sorrows in food. I miss a lot and need some help. I need to find a therapist that knows about food addiction because this is an addiction. I am unhappy with so many things in my life but I don't know that there is a valid reason for the unhappiness. Marriage, work, family, my body, just plain life and everything in-between! Oh don't worry, I am on Prozac but lately it isn't working so well. I am depressed. And it sucks!! Big time! I used to eat myself into a coma when I was depressed and then just sleep but I can't do that anymore. I want to...oh trust me, I want to eat! So...how do I find a therapist that specializes in food addiction? My surgeon's office doesn't have a recommendation and there isn't anyone locally, I have looked. Please tell me this is normal and will pass. Please tell me this is just one of the "stages" of weight loss. I am so hoping it is.

Winter Coat

Winter is quickly approaching and with 53 pounds less blubber, I am chilly! I need to get a winter coat but I don't want to buy one that is too small in hopes that I will lose weight and be comfortable. I don't want to buy one that fits me now because, hopefully, the weight will continue to come off and it will soon be too big. So, what do I do? Does anyone have a coat they would like to donate to me?

That's All....?

I haven't talked to my mom in a week because she was on vacation and she asked how the weight loss was going and I told her that I finally reached 50 lbs lost. She said, "is that all"? I said, "yeah, is that bad"? She said no but thought I lost more because I look like I have lost more than 50 lbs. Oh, ok. I was ready to bitch slap her through the phone!

Donated Breastmilk

Other Mothers’ Milk Pregnancy Information, Pregnancy Calendar Week by Week, Tools at Fit Pregnancy

I know this is unrelated to weight loss and my band but I want everyone to know about donated breastmilk. I did not make enough milk to feed Macy but I was lucky enough to find several mothers willing to pump and donate their milk to Macy. Macy was a breastmilk baby for over 9 months and received all the benefits of breastmilk even though I could not give it to her.

SMILE!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

Enjoy this chocolate smile!!!

??????

Question of the day:

How often do you weigh yourself? Why?

In the beginning of my band journey I was weighing daily and when I wouldn't see a loss, I would get so damn irritated. So I stopped and went to a weekly weigh-in...similar to WW. Well, I would sneak a peek at the scale an additional day or two...but, that's a secret...shhhh! I kinda want to go back to weighing daily or every other day because when I see that loss it encourages me to keep going but on the other hand, when I don't see that loss, I get upset and depressed. It's fudged up, I know!

I was sooooo excited for my weigh-in today because my personal trainer said she could see that I was thinner and I "felt" a tad thinner and what did the scale show? Oh...wait for it, wait for it...

1 FREAKING LB!

Yep, that's all!

Now I know I have been working out a lot and am building muscle and therefore I may be losing inches so I am not too terribly upset with the scale, even though I still hate the little bitch.

So, let's sum up this rambling post. I want to know what all you other bloggers do about your weigh-ins. I will ultimately do what works for me but I want to hear from you all and weigh (no pun intended) my options.

Over and Out!

Chicago...here I come!

I know, I know...all the bloggers that are not going to be in Chicago this weekend are getting so sick of hearing "BOOBs" and "Chicago" but i have to talk about it just for a moent so hang in there.

I would like to share that THIS is totally out of my comfort zone. I am or was a self-proclaimed hermit. Yes ma'am......this awesome chick is a hermit....well....was! Since losing 42 lbs and no longer weighing in the 3's, I feel so much better about myself. I was ahermit bc I hated the way I looked. I felt that everyone saw the fat...not the person. Now I know I am still quite overwieght but my confidence is so much better. Prior to the band and losing 43lbs, there would have been no way in hell I would have gone to Chicago. I never did anything. I was uncomfortable in public and in my own skin so I went to work and home. I avoided social situationsto the best of my ability. Occasionally my hubby would drag me to social events and I was miserable....but not anymore. I still have some insecurities but each day and each lb lost boosts that confidence. Being able to go into Lane Bryant and buy smaller jeans and cute tops and sexy bras....that isan amazing feeling. For years I bout all my shirts online bc that is the only place I could find a large enough size. It sucked. So, for all of you not going to Chicago...I want you to know that this is exciting to me because I have hidden for so long and finally feel comfortable getting out and being myself. Thanks for everyone's support.

BOOBS Questionaire

1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favourite foods along. What do you bring?

Pre-band: Ice cream, Ice cream and more Ice Cream
Post-band: Egg Whites, Smoked Salmon, Fage Yogurt

2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?

President Obama - bc I would love to meet a president

Tom Hanks - bc he is one of my most favorite actors

Amy W - bc she is a SUPERSTAR

3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)

Kable Kramer

4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?

16
Hate my fat apron...yuck!
I "love" that my fingers are shrinking and my rings are getting very loose.

5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?

Yes and HELL NO! I would probably pee myself, several times!

6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come?

Brown, all natural here!!!

7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?

Boxers ..... Thong, tha, thong, thong, thong!

8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)

Forrest Gump or Castaway....love me some Tom Hanks

9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)

Ice Cream...that's why I am fat!


10) How many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?

68-since highest in 2006
42-since surgery

BOOBS Outfit

I need to know what I can wear on Friday night. I know Saturday is a bit more "fancy" but Friday night, can I wear nice dark jeans, heels and a nice shirt? Will all you hot mama's be wearing cocktail dresses on Friday night as well? I am most comfy in my pj's and fairly comfy in jeans...other than that, I feel WEIRD! Almost Alien! Anyway, let me know what you think!!!

By the way, we are having a foursome in our room!!! YAY!!! PILLOW FIGHT!!!!

Okay, Okay!!!

Let me start by saying that I LOVE this picture! Macy learned to do "So Big". She turned 9 months old on Friday and she weighed in at 20.12 lbs. Do you realize that I have lost 2 Macy's in fat!?! When I put it that way...that is pretty cool! I hate the scale and just wanna beat the crap out of it. I know that I am losing weight because clothes that I wore are too big and new clothes in smaller sizes now fit but the scale...it refuses to budge! I hate it! (for now)

Ok....so BOOBS!

I talked to my hubby one more time and I decided to go to BOOBS (again)! No I am not bipolar, crazy or have split personalities! Well, I am a little crazy! I HATE spending money on myself. I don't know why. I should rephrase that....I have a hard time spending money on myself. I am so used to buying everything for everyone else so the idea of spending money on a hotel room, new clothes, food, shopping and fun stuff...scares the crap out of me. Michael needs new shoes, Matthew needs new jeans, Macy needs more fall/winter clothes. There is ALWAYS a kid that has a need for my money. My hubby hates the idea of me staying a couple nights away from him and my 8 year old...HATES it too. He keeps saying that he understands why I need to go but doesn't want me to go because he will miss me. Ugh! But, like I said, I talked it over with my husband again and have decided to just go. I mean for goodness sakes, if it is terrible, I can just drive home. I probably won't be doing the boat tour since it is a bit pricey. I have this Debbie Downer inside of me that tells me I am too fat to do this. That even though I have lost 40lbs, that is still not good enough for all you ladies! Debbie makes me doubt myself, feel uncomfortable in my skin and holds me back from enjoying life. I hate her. I hope she dies when this weight eventually comes off!

Sorry for being a bit CrAzY! Try living with me! Teeheehee!

See you lovely ladys in a few short days!!!

Sad

I bought new jeans, bra, and t-shirt yesterday and I feel good. I feel thinner even though the scale isn't moving. Here is what makes me sad. My husband won't compliment me. He wont tell me I look thinner. He wont tell me I look beautiful. I get nothing from him. It hurts. I am working really hard and he says NOTHING. I guess this may be another reason why there is a higher incidence of divorce after WLS. Whatever.

Love Letter to My Scale

Dear Scale,

I hate you!

I wish you a slow, painful death.

Kerri

Picture Time!!!

As you all know, I LOVE me some pictures! So....I am gonna share some pictures with you all. Random pics from the last month or so. Hope you enjoy!!! If you are my friend on  FB then you know I love pictures because I have a million albums. Here we go and enjoy!!!


Miss Blue Eyes in the bath!

 

Me and the Hubby in Galena!



Macy loves the water.



Matt waiting for the parade



Matt taking the kittens for a walk at the farm

Btw, I do have 3 kids but my oldest, Michael, is 14 and he doesn't do a whole lot with the family anymore since he is a teenager! Just in case you were wondering! Take care!!!!

Bye 42 and Bye 300

Yep, you have read that right....42 freaking lbs gone!!!

I have been MIA for awhile and I am sorry for that! August sucked some serious balls! I didn't lose a freaking pound and I felt like a failure! I figured that once again, I was going to fail at this "diet" too. That I was destined to be fat forever! That I was destined to be buried in the extra large coffin. It sucked. I told myself I was not gonna go to BOOBS because I didn't want to be the fattest person there. I did not want to meet everyone at 300+ lbs. I know, it is irrational thinking but they are my crazy ass thoughts! Sorry! So, last week I weighed myself and it said that I was under 300, WTF?!? That can't be right. I had been eating like crazy. So, I stepped off and stepped back on the scale and sure as shit....299. Let me share a tidbit of history. I have not weighed less than 300 since the day of my wedding nearly 4 years ago. At that time I lost 62lbs with WW. I was so excited to say that I did not weigh 300 when I walked down the aisle but soon after the wedding, I slowly started regaining. It happens. We all know that. This morning the scale fairy blessed me with 295 which brings me to a loss of 42lbs since 5/10/10. Not too shabby considering the stupid scale didn't move at all in August and I have not been working out.

Speaking of working out....! Friday I am starting with a personal trainer and am soooo excited! I need a serious kick in the ass to tighten some of this loose skin, get my heart healthy, build my endurance and all the other crap associated with exercising. LOL!

BOOBS, yes, I will be at BOOBS. Ok, ok.....calm down. I know the excitement of meeting me is overwhelming for most of you but trust me....I am just an ordinary (awesome) person that you all will love! Found out one of our room mates can't make it so that stinks but now I don't have to sleep with Jen....she is very disappointed about not sleeping with me. :) I do have to say that I will NOT be wearing a dress during BOOBS weekend. I am not a dress person so I am hoping that nice jeans, or pants, will be ok for our dinner. Also, does anyone know about the 5k? I want to do it but not sure that I will be able to run the entire thing. How will that work for someone like me?

I received some clothes from Amy C. and will be taking pics this weekend and posting. I cannot believe that I will be wearing Old Navy! I have NEVER worn Old Navy. EVER. The sisterhood is awesome and I hope to someday contribute some of my clothes!!!

I have missed you all and have started catching up on all the blogs that I have missed. Sorry!

Letter to 300lbs

Dear 300lbs,

I want to say goodbye. I wish I could say that I will miss you but I can't. I never liked you. You depressed me and made it difficult to buy clothes, walk up stairs, play with my kids and just live. I hid because of you and now, I don't have to hide. I know, I am only 5 lbs from you but I know I will never let you take hold of my life again. I have control and an awesome tool that is helping me. So, goodbye and good riddance.

Sincerely,

Kerri

Spank me, I have been NAUGHTY!

I am sorry that I have been away from my wonderful blog for a week. I say sorry every time and I really mean it every time. I log onto my Blogger account everyday but then I start reading all the blogs and then I just run out of time to update my blog. If only I could pause time everyday so that I could read and comment on all the blogs AND post on mine. HA, if only!!!

The last 2 weeks have been HORRIBLE. I have struggled with head hunger and over eating. I went in for fill # 3 yesterday and am hoping that helps me! So far today it has. Thank goodness. I haven't been able to exercise on a regular basis and the scale is not happy about it. I am still just over 300 and feel like I will never weigh less than 300. I know, that is negative self talk, slap me!

I do have to tell you of some pretty AWESOME NSV's. For years, I have only been able to buy pants at Lane Bryant because the shirts were too snug and I like my shirts loose. I would order my shirts online. It sucked but I was fat. Once in awhile I would lose a little weight and be able to fit into the Avenue's largest shirts but not Lane Bryant. 2 weeks ago I needed a shirt for a birthday party we were going to so I went to LB to try on some shirts. Well, guess what.....the shirts fit me. Not snug, not tight, just freaking right! Yep...I was able to buy 2 shirts from LB. That felt FUCKING AWESOME!!! This weekend I was at Target and went into the women's section and grabbed a t-shirt. I bought it without trying it on. I figured if it were too small, then I would just hold onto it since I am losing weight. I got home and tried it on and guess what...IT FIT! Yep...do the happy dance....shake that bootay! I was soooo damn excited. Last night I went back and bought 3 more! I can also wear my hot push up bras again. Haven't been able to wear them since shortly before my wedding nearly 4 years ago. Nothing feels better than wearing a bra that pushes those bad girls up into your chin and gives your fun bags some cleavage!! Yes ma'am, I said it! I did it too! And it felt AWESOME!

My hubby are going away for a romantic getaway this weekend. We are leaving Friday night and returning Sunday sometime. The kids are staying at my mom's house. I am so damn excited...I just can't hide it! I may come home walking like I had just rode a horse! LOL!!! Too funny, I crack myself up! Anyway, I am hoping to lose 2 more pounds and be less than 300 for our special weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed which makes it somewhat difficult to shove food in my mouth.

Love you all......so dang happy to have you all!!! Hugs!

That's me wearing my new shirt and feeling HOT!

Happy Tuesday!

Hi everyone! I don't have anything to say other than "HAPPY TUESDAY". I am feeling blah about my weight loss because it feels like I will NEVER get below 300. The fucking scale showed a gain yesterday so I am avoiding her for a few days. I can understand the gain, I haven't worked out in a few weeks because of my stupid eye infection. Today I will do exercise. I promise myself! And I won't give in to the HEAD HUNGER!

I hope everyone is doing well! Take care!

xoxo

I am BACK!

Hello to all my WONDERFUL followers! I apologize for slacking in my blogging lately but having conjunctivitis in BOTH freaking eyes is no fun and I am finally able to sit in front of the computer without feeling like my eyeballs are balls of fire.

Since I have been gone, I have been nominated for The Versatile Blogger Award by 3 LOVELY ladies! Thank you, Thank you to Amey, Maria and Kagead!

Here are the rules for this award:

1.Thank the person giving the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Ask and ye shall receive:

1. I am a CRADLE ROBBER!  My husband and I have been been married for nearly 4 years. I was 25 when Matt was born and my hubster was a day shy of 19. Yep, I am a cradle robber and damn proud of it. We are very happily married! I mean, come on, we all have our UPs and DOWNs in our relationships and sometimes we can't stand one another but we love one another very much and plan on growing old together. I truly believe the my hubby is an "old soul" because you would never guess he is younger than me!

2. I have 3 kids (as you all have seen from my pics). Michael is 14, Matthew is 8 and Macy is 7 months. Yep, all M names! I was a single mother of 1 for nearly 5 years.

3. My son Michael has some several severe mental illnesses. He is currently stable but used to be physical and verbally abusive. He was hospitalized 7 times between the age of 4 and 10. He lived in a residential treatment center 3 times.

4. I like to read but have had a hard time finding books that capture me after reading the Twilight series. Oh, and the books are 100x's better than the movies.

5. I love photography and wish I would have gone to college for photography and was able to be a photographer for a living. Nothing greater than getting paid for something you love doing!

6. I have never cheated on my husband and never would but I have a girl crush on Amy W. She is sooooo dang cute! I know, I am a little stalker-ish but it's all good!

7. I fear that I will be the fattest person at BOOBS Chicago! I know I blogged about this before but it still bothers me. I will get over it.....on Sunday at BOOBS when I am on my way home! LOL!

So, there you have it. A fer tasty morsels into the life of ME!!!

 
I nominate the following BEAUTIFUL bloggers:
 
Liss - My band buddy! Poor Liss was banded the same time as me but just finally got a fill and some restriction!
Sparkler - She got kicked out of Care Bear Land for bad language....had to laugh!
Sugar Snap and Me - She's in "bandster hell" and could use all of our support because that is HELL!
Sarah - She just reached her first 25 lbs lost and has 25 followers. YAY!
Lily's Mommy - She needs our support because her stupid scale is stuck!
Katherine - She is a fellow bandster but she also recently assisted with a HOME BIRTH...how cool is that?
CeeJay - She has lost 71 lbs and is such an inspiration!
Seeing in Colour - Her "wishes" are great and she is so beautiful!
Nikki - She is so beautiful and started her band journey a few months before me. Check out the Homecoming video on her Blog!
Shrinking Mommy - Ok, she is totally rocking this band! She has lost 100 lbs in 8 months (and 3 weeks)..that is awesome!
MLM - She and I were banded within weeks of one another and so that makes MLM awesome! Cuz I say so!
Amanda M. - She wants to become a Social Worker and I always wanted to become a social worker but never finished my education so I have to give recognition to a woman who is following her dreams and getting healthy along the way!
Jenny - She is seriously rocking this band too! She just got her band at the end of June and is doing a GREAT job! You go girl!
McKayla - She is another band buddy from LBT.
Jen - She is my BOOBS roomie so I have to be kind otherwise she may write on my face with permanent marker while I sleep! LOL!
Janice - She is also my BOOBS roomie so I have to stay on her "good side"! LOL!

Pretty Blue Eyes...not so pretty!

Please forgive me! I have been under the weather. Thursday morning I woke with my right eye swollen red and watering. I knew it was an eye infection. Afterall, Macy had a fever and an eye infection just a few days prior. I had NO idea how bad that eye infection would get. It is now Sunday and now both my eyes are swollen, tearing constantly and red. It is difficult to see and they are painful. I went to the doctor on Saturday and she says that I have viral conjunctivitis! Oh yay...that means I have to let it run it's course. I look like hell!

Yep, that is what I look like but in BOTH freaking eyes!

I have not been able to workout since Wednesday and for some odd reason I want to eat the paint off the damn walls. I don't know why. I am calling my surgeon's office in the morning and asking to go in for a small fill tomorrow. I still have some restriction but I am a little loose and that is just not a good thing for me. I really want to get BELOW 300. I wanted to get there BEFORE August 1st but with this stupid eye crap, I haven't done anything...other than eat. I haven't even read any blogs since Wednesday. That is VERY unlike me since I try to read daily otherwise it seems overwhelming!

In my absence from the blog world, I won 2 awards and PROMISE to officially and properly accept those awards tomorrow night. I am soooo sorry that it has taken me so long. I won't be nominated for anymore awards if I keep this up!

Talk to you all tomorrow! Take care!

Going CrAzY!!!

The kids are sick. My hubby has been working a buttload of hours. I spent the day stuck in the house with a whining 8 year old and crabby 7 month old. I finally got a shower at 9:30 p.m. I am so stressed that I ate ice cream tonight! I know...terrible! Please spank me. I haven't been able to workout since Thursday and STUPID Aunt Flo decided to come stay for a few days today! Bitch! I have cramps and want to eat the paint off the walls! I am going back to work tomorrow and WILL workout tomorrow after work. I am 4 freaking pounds from the 200's and I want to get there ASAP!!!!

Ok. I feel a little better now that I vented! Tuesday, please bring healthy kids and a husband that comes home before bedtime.

Uh-huh....I am a all signed up!

I signed up at the local fitness center tonight! Yippee!!! Monthly membership fee is not too bad, at all! $14 something a month...not too shabby! I do have to pay $3 every time I use the sitter there but that's ok...money well spent! After I signed up I was able to get a workout in. I started with 20 minutes on the treadmill. I walked 3.5 mph and jogged 4.5 mph a total of 3 minutes. I could have done more but I was too concerned with what everyone else was thinking. "Holy crap...look at the fat girl trying to run on the treadmill!" Yep....that's the shit that the little guy in my head says all the freaking time. I ignored that little bastard and jogged anyway....I have to get ready for BOOBS...duh!

After the treadmill, I moved on to this lovely contraption called THE DEVIL or aka an elliptical. That little bugger kicked my ass for 10 minutes but it felt damn good to put that butt-wad back in his place when I finished that 10 minutes without falling to the ground! After I kicked the devil's ass, I moved onto the circuit and did a couple arm related exercises. Macy was getting tired and was ready to go home so I wasn't able to stay longer. I felt like I did a pretty good job my first night!

I stayed within my 1200 cals today and I definitely thought I would go over since the head hunger was enough to make me go CrAzY! But I stayed strong and made it through the night without binging! YAY me!

This past weekend we went to WI for 3 days camping, swimming, boating and more. We had a great time!!

Here are some highlights from the weekend! Enjoy!

Michael showing off while tubing!

Pretty in pink!

Miss Macy sitting on the pier!

Matt tubing....they were showing off too!

Long day!

Good big brother! Macy loves the water!

I hope you all enjoy the pictures! We had a great time and plan on going back in August for an "adults only" weekend! Hopefully it will be a little cooler or at least less humid and I will be thinner!!!

Goodnight All!

I want to EAT, EAT, EAT......

Ok, for the past couple of days all I have wanted to do is EAT! I am not physically hungry and I have awesome restriction. I think Aunt Flo may be coming to visit soon...stupid bitch! Any who....I am struggling! My stupid head told me to go rent some movies and buy ice cream. WTF?!? Ice cream is my crack! I have to stay away from it! So, wanna know what I did instead?!? Hmmm?!?

I scheduled an appt at 6:30 at the local gym to get signed up. I talked to someone there last night and they can offer childcare if I tell them exactly what days/time I need it. So, I am going to have set days/times to go to the gym and Macy can stay with the sitter there. I can't count on my husband (mentioned in previous post) to be home at a certain time to be certain that I can go for a walk in the evenings. It has been too stinking hot and humid for Macy to go with me in the stroller. Remember the last time I took her...I wanted to jump off a bridge because she cried the entire time...an hour!

So, instead of sitting at home...stuffing my face....I will go to the gym! The head hunger is really freaking strong! Ugh!!! Some days I wish I could turn that part of my brain off!

Take care!!!

Houston......We Have RESTRICTION!

I had my second fill on Monday (the pic is posted) and since then, I have great restriction! OMG! I never thought I would get here. I am only able to HALF the amount of food that I was eating prior to said second fill. I am getting "stuck" feelings but have NOT been stuck yet. I have to eat my food incredibly slowly and over an extended period of time. I am consuming a LOT less calories too! YAY. So, right now I can honestly say that I LOVE my band!!! I am happy that the scale continues to move downward and that makes so stinking happy!!

See this cute picture? Well, it is not so cute when you are trying to walk/run while pushing a stroller with a 7 month old that is screaming because she is hot, tired, hungry and just plain not happy! I try to exercise when my husband is home and he can keep Macy but he has been working a LOT lately and therefore I am left with 2 options: Take her with me OR Not exercise. I WANT to exercise because I want to lose weight. My hubby is not very supportive about me doing things to "better" myself...this could very well not be true....but he isn't exactly rushing home to let me go for a walk. During this "lovely" walk last night I actually stopped for a second and called my husband and told him to listen to what I was listening to......and I held the phone by Macy, screaming. I then read him the riot act! I was PISSED! My entire freaking life revolves around my kids and therefore I always put myself on the back burner! I know, I know....this is what we do when we are mothers but can't I get some "ME TIME"?!? I am only asking for a few hours a week! Now, before you contact the local child welfare department....I DID NOT just ignore her cries! I gave her a bottle, a toy, talked to her but NOTHING helped until she finally fell asleep! Ugh....eating a bowl of ice cream, sitting on the couch, watching TV would have been a LOT less stressful!

So, I am 10.6 pounds from reaching my first MAJOR weight goal. Once I lose that pesky 10.6 pounds, I will no longer weigh 300 pounds! That is a HUGE accomplishment, after all I have not been under 300 in almost 4 years, at our wedding. Granted I was about 298 but I wasn't 300 and that was AWESOME. So...since I am soooo stinking close to my goal what should my "reward" be? I am not into designer bags and am not a "girly girl". I get pedicures when I need them and get my hair cut at a reasonably priced chain salon. I thought about buying a pair of Keen shoes but not sure that is what I really want! So...to all my AWESOME followers...what would you suggest? Do you think Amy W. would come celebrate with me? That would be the BESTEST reward EVER! Yes, I am her BIGGEST (no pun intended) fan! No, seriously......give me some ideas! Thanks!!!

**Smooches**

Bat (Wing) Woman!!!

I have some serious arm fat and need your advice. Is there anything that I can do to help tighten up all the loose skin? I went shopping yesterday and when I was trying on t-shirts my arms looked terrible! UGH!

Help Me!

2nd Fill Pics

Helloooooo to all my loyal followers!!! Today I had my 2nd fill and am hoping for a bit more restriction. I just had to take a picture of the fill so I snapped a picture while the needle was in my port and I was sitting up. I actually held the needle for a moment while the doc handed my camera to me. The doc was very hesitant on giving me a fill because I have been losing weight but I told him that although I am losing weight, I feel that I am restricting my food intake instead of the band working! I want to lose weight utilizing the band AND me learning good eating habits. Anyway...he gave me another 1.5 cc (I think) so that means I now have 6.5 cc in a 14 cc band. Today I stayed ON TRACK with my calorie intake and hope to get to the point where I will be able to continue to lose without having to write down everything I eat. I have been burping quite a bit since my fill and even had some shoulder/gas pains, but I will live!!! Ok, so here is the moment you all have been waiting for...the pic of me getting my fill!

Where in the world is AMY W?

Ok, I am going through some serious Amy W. withdrawl. It has been over a week since her last post and I feel like I am going to SCREAM! I look forward to her posts! I know from Facebook that she has been on vacation; skiing, singing karaoke, taking pics, drinking beer but come on....there are people here that are addicted to her blog, ok I may be the only one but I don't want to seem crazy! Anyway...I miss her and she better come back and write a kick ass blog! And if you haven't read her blog....go read it! NOW!

~WORD~

Pigged Out!!! YUCK!

See the above cute little pink piggy? Yeah, well I have been him for the past 2 days and it is NOT pretty! WTF?!? I do great while I am at work. I stay within my calories, I do not over eat, I only eat when I am hungry, blah, blah, blah...I follow the band rules but when I get home I turn into the not-so-cute little piggy! Today I even went to the store and bought ice cream! What the FUCK! I am going to confess and tell you what I ate so that I can't hide from it anymore. I ate an entire bag of BBQ chips, a single serving size container of B&J Cookie Dough ice cream and 4 (yes, 4) Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. Skinny Cow or not...eating 4 does not result in a Skinny Bitch! After eating all that crap and sitting on the couch for a bit I started getting pissed off with myself. Going through all the old questions: Why do I do this to myself? What was my trigger? Is this ever going to end? Yadda, Yadda, Yadda..................

Do you wanna know what I did to semi redeem myself from the "little" pigout today? I walked/jogged 2.87 miles in 43 minutes. Now, it is freaking HOT out and I walked FAST and jogged several parts (more than I have ever jogged before) so I got one hell of a workout and sweat my ass off. I had sweat coming from areas that I don't think have ever sweat so it felt damn good. What??!!?? I just said that sweating felt damn good. Someone please slap me because I must be dreaming! Here is a picture of me all sweaty after my walk. I kinda like this picture because I think my face is starting to look a bit thinner..which is nice!!!

My hair is all nasty in this picture because I was sweaty and the humidity really messes with curly hair. Damnit! Now, I want all of you to know that it is NOT easy to jog at 312 pounds! It is hard as hell but I did it. Yes, ma'am I did! Granted some of you can probably walk a hell of a lot faster than I can jog but I don't give a hoot because jogging at my weight is no small feat!

I get my second fill on Monday and I am hoping that it will give me a LOT more restriction. My surgeon is pretty cool about listening to my needs. My first fill was 5 cc's so I am not worried that he won't give me enough! I just cannot wait!

Ok guys and gals...that is my confession of the day! I have now told all my blogging buddies my sin for the day. I will NOT pigout tomorrow. I cannot pigout tomorrow! NO MORE PIGS!!! UGH!

Well....Hello!

Hi everyone!!! I know it has been a week since I last posted..so sorry! Please forgive me. It takes me FOREVER to get through all the blogs so by the time I am finished, I don't have any time left to update my blog. I know...I know...I will try harder or read faster!

Today is my weigh-in day and initially the scale said 311 but I didn't believe it to so I weighed again and it said 312 so then I waited a few minutes and weighed again (yes, I am a little crazy) and it was 313. WTF?!? So, I weighed myself again and it was 312 so that is my official weight for the week. That brings my weight loss total to 25 pounds. YAY! I even ate like CRAP over the weekend but I did walk a shitload to make up for a lot of the crap I ate. Yesterday I stayed WAY under my allotted calories and I walked. I bought an iPod shuffle for my walking and I love it! I am so happy to finally be seeing the scale move and it is REALLY motivating. I am starting to think that I am falling in love with my band! (teeheehee) This coming from the person that was in Bandster Hell and thought that the band was going to be just another failed "diet". I can't wait to reach the 200's! I know...that's crazy because 200's is still FAT but I never want to weigh "3" something EVER again!

I texted my hubby this morning that I have lost a total of 25 pounds and do you wanna know what his response was.....

Wait for it....

He said....

"OK"

Yep, that's it! Just freaking OK! Are you kidding me? So I said, that's all you have to say? What the fuck? He then responded with "that's good love you". Ugh! How freaking frustrating! He is not an overly emotional and supportive person and I get that but come on! Oh well!

Still not sure about BOOBS. I have some potential roommates lined up and they sound super cool but I am still just not sure. I have mentioned to the hubby that I really want to go but he just doesn't seemed too thrilled about it. I know I have to make a decision ASAP so I am working on it! Promise! I really want to meet a lot of you awesome band bloggers.

Well, that is all for now! I will try not to stay away for so long! Have a GREAT Tuesday!!!

21

Quick post just to say that as of today...I have lost 21 freaking pounds!!! Yeah BABY!

I will post more later!!!

Have a great Tuesday!!!

Update.......

Hi Everyone!!! I had my first fill on Monday and that was an experience. HA! When the doc had the big ass needle in my belly then told me to sit up and drink water....I couldn't believe it! Trust me, I work with needles on a daily basis so I am far from fearful but having a needle sticking straight out of my belly is a bit CrAzY! He gave me 5cc's! I told him to fill the dang thing so it is completely closed! He said NO! Darnit! I tried! I met with the nutritionist too. He told me to eat 1,000-1,200 cals per day. Now, here is the crazy thing....how do I get that many calories? Yesterday I was under calories and even had an ice cream cone (I know, spank me). If I am not supposed to eat more than 1 cup of food at a time and only supposed to eat 3 meals a day, then how do I get the extra calories in? Advice please!

I bought a new scale on Monday. Typically I weigh myself at work but decided to buy a scale for home so that I could weigh myself first thing in the morning and NAKED! Monday night I weighed myself to compare the new scale with the weight from the doc's office. The new scale said I weighed 2 pounds less. Ok, fine! Well, the next morning I followed my doc's directions and did my weekly weigh-in! Got out of bed, peed, stripped and stepped on the scale. It now said I was 6 pounds less than the night before! So I weighed myself again...the same reading! I am skeptical but since that will be the scale I use every week then I will keep that number. I did weigh myself this morning to make sure it wasn't a fluke and it was close to what it was yesterday morning, just a few ounces higher. So...it must be right! If it is accurate then I have lost a total of 17 pounds! Not too shabby!

Still looking for a roommate for BOOBS Chicago....anyone interested?

Have a WONDERFUL Hump Day!!!

First 5k and First Fill

I get my very first fill tomorrow and I am so excited! I just wanna dance and sing and shout with excitement. I am hoping this will jump start my weight loss because I am still stuck at 11 stinkin' pounds! I know, I know....the first fill may not make a difference and that I may have to get several fills before I really notice a difference but for now, I am excited that I am getting my first fill. It feels like a huge step in the right direction.


Speaking of excitement.....
 
I finished my first official 5k on Saturday. I walked it in 59 minutes! I finished before 80 other walkers. It was hot and I was sweating my ass off but it felt damn good to finish the race! I got a little sunburned too! My goal is to be able to jog/run it next year. I am going to join the local fitness center tomorrow so that I have somewhere to workout if the weather is crappy or if I just need a change in the exercise routine. They have childcare available (for a fee) so I can take Macy with me and still get a good workout! Here are some pictures from the 5k! Enjoy!!!
 

Excited for our first 5k!

Matt is ready to RUN!

Macy eating an orange after the race!

Blogger Stuck In Hell and My Zumba Experience

I would like to start tonight by introducing a band buddy that is going through a tough time. She and I were banded the same time and since then we both have not seen the scale move. We have talked about how we sometimes feel that this too will fail just like every other diet or program that we have tried. We have really been going through bandster hell. Here's the difference......I have been blogging and getting AMAZING feedback from my followers. I get encouragement and the occasional "SNAP OUT OF IT" from all of you! I appreciate EVERYTHING that is said because I do want this tool to help me and I want to follow your advice since you all are "experts" in my opinion. The other day we were texting and she was telling me that she is still having a rough time so I asked if she has been blogging these thoughts and emotions and she said NO because when she does she doesn't get any comments. So, I am reaching out to all my followers asking you to help this blogger because she needs it. We all need one another's support and encouragement! Her name is Melissa. Please visit her blog and send her a LOT of warm fuzzies! Thank you!

Ok, so I went to Zumba tonight and it kicked my ASS! Now, I would like to share that I didn't know any of the moves and was extremely grateful that there were NO MIRRORS in the room because if I would have seen my big butt shaking and gyrating...I may have vomited a little in my mouth! There were 5 other women and they clearly did not know all the moves either but were more experienced than me. The woman next to me was probably in her 70's and she shook that money maker better than a 22 year old pole dancer! It was awesome yet a little irritating that she was shaking her groove thang better than me! Overall the class was ok. I am going to go again next week and try it again. I am also going to look into some other classes that the fitness center has. We live in a very small town so classes are limited but I am planning on joining the fitness center and using the equipment like the dreaded elliptical.

Goodnight all....please go see Melissa! Thank you!!! ((Hugs))

Zumba

Ok ladies (and gents) I am going to Zumba for the first time tonight. I would like to know how to figure out how many calories I burned. I journal all my food intake and exercising on My Fitness Pal but they do not have Zumba listed. Any advice?

3.2 Miles in 56 Minutes!!!

Last Wednesday I started journaling my food on My Fitness Pal and walking. When I walked on Wednesday and Thursday I walked for nearly an hour each day but had no idea what the distance was until Friday when a friend turned me on to Map My Run. I figured out that I had been walking 2.8 miles. WOW! That's awesome for a beginner. Since I was able to map my walk and figure out exactly how many miles I would be walking, I decided to bump up the miles to at least 3 since I will be walking in my first 5k on Saturday and I don't want to have to get in the stroller and have someone push me to the finish line!

Anyhooo....Friday I mapped out 3.2 miles and started but as I got close to the end my feet started hurting so stinkin' bad that I ended the walk a tad shy of the 3.2 miles. I was disappointed but my feet were in tough shape. I was walking like a 90 year old the rest of the night and most of Saturday. It was BAD! Well, I didn't walk on Saturday or Sunday so I knew I had to get out and walk tonight especially since the scale is taunting me and playing mind games with me. (DAMN YOU SCALE) Sorry. Well, I set out for my walk, pushing my Macy in the stroller, with the iPod jammin' I walked....

I walked....

I walked...

And 56 minutes later, sweaty as heck, aching and huffing and puffing....

I did it!!!

3.2 Stinkin' Miles!!! (Insert HAPPY DANCE with the Big Butt Song playing in the background)

Yup!!! Soooo dang proud of myself! And Macy did a great job in the stroller for an hour!

My earlier post was written by Debbie Downer. She gets real down when the scale doesn't move in the RIGHT direction. She's better now. Well actually, I beat the crap out of her and told her to shut her trap and stop bitchin'! She deserved it! She gets me all flustered!

Anyway...I plan on walking every night this week and then my first ever 5k on Saturday! So excited! Maybe next year I can actually RUN it?!?

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I can't take it!!!! Ok, so last week I started journaling my food intake and exercising and the scale started moving. This morning the scale added another pound! WTF?!? I wanna say SCREW IT!!! I know I am in bandster hell and it truly is HELL! I hate the scale! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I get a fill on Monday, thank goodness because I don't know how much more I can take. I know I am NOT supposed to compare myself to others but it seems like everyone else with the band is losing. What am I doing wrong?

To B.O.O.B.S. or not to B.O.O.B.S.......That is the question.....

I have been thinking about attending the B.O.O.B.S. Chicago event in September but am not sure if I want to go. I mean, I want to go but not sure if I will feel comfortable. What if I hate it and want to go home? I live my life in the shadows because I am too afraid of what people are thinking about me. "Oh, look at that fat girl"! I would say that about myself! I have read in Amy W.'s blog that just because you are fat doesn't mean you should stop living. Well, I stopped living a LONG time ago. Do you know how much I love amusement parks and water parks? I LOVE them. I will go to a water park but will only go in the wave pool or lazy river. The entire time telling myself over and over...I will never see these people again so it is ok that they see me in a bathing suit! It causes a butt load of anxiety and I am uncomfortable the entire time. The fun, wild, free spirit inside me wants to come out but is too dang worried about what others are thinking! I hate it.

Do you know that one of my biggest concerns with going to Chicago is that I am worried I will be the fattest person there?!? Yes, that is sooo ridiculous. I know that. I really do. My my stinking brain won't stop thinking it. I mean, so what if I really am the fattest person there. I am still on the path to getting thinner and healthier it just may take me longer than some because of the amount of weight I have to lose. I also don't want to be a band failure and then go to Chicago and see all the band successes. The only reason I am thinking like that is because I am in bandster hell so forgive me for feeling sorry for myself. I am working through it and will make it through this hell. Anyway, what should I do?

I also have 3 kiddos (14, 8 and 6 months) and that will make it difficult to leave. My hubby may not be so happy with having to tend to the children by himself for the weekend. But on the other hand, I never do anything for myself and by myself so I deserve a get-a-way! Right?!?

Ok, so day 2 of tracking on My Fitness Pal and walking for 50 minutes. I sweat my balls off. Yep, I said balls. I like to say balls. Sorry! Ok, I sweat my big butt off which I guess is the point of exercising. It felt good mentally and somewhat physically to get out there and walk 2 days in a row. Makes me feel good about myself and feel that I am making progress. I stayed within my allotted calories and even enjoyed a Snickers bar. Yum! I know that once I have restriction I probably will not be able to have that so, I am enjoying while I can but still staying within my allotted calories! If any of you are on My fitness Pal, please friend me! My user name is Kerri76. I would love for someone to look at my daily meals and tell me what you think I should do differently!

Goodnight!

Walking and Journaling

What a day, what a day!

So, my wonderful husband that doesn't have a "weight issue" went to Costco last night and bought 6 Double Chocolate Chip Muffins! Yes, heaven in a very large cupcake cup. I ate one of those tasty little devils for breakfast. Oh, don't you worry, the food police at work tried to stop me. "I thought you weren't supposed to have carbs." WTF! Look ya skinny bitch, shut yer pie hole!

Anyhoo...

I decided, after I devoured the tasty little devil, to find out how many calories the little bugger had. I logged onto myfitnesspal.com and typed in the info. Guess how many calories, just guess.....

If you guessed 692, you were correct!

I had just eaten almost all my calories in one freaking meal! No wonder I am fat!!!

At that point I decided to bite the bullet and continue food journaling the remainder of the day. Maybe I would get an answer to why I haven't lost an ounce since I was banded. So damn frustrating.

So I ended the day with 283 calories remaining based on the calculations from my fitness pal. The only reason I have calories remaining is because I walked. YEP! I said it...I did it! I WALKED tonight for 50 minutes. It felt good. I felt like I was doing the right thing. If only I would think that way EVERYDAY!

I am SO looking forward to my first fill! I need restriction! Bring it on....

I am considering getting a personal trainer. What do you all think? I have not been much of an exerciser so I am looking for guidance. I know walking is good too and that you don't have to have a fancy gym membership but I wanna kick this fat ass in the rear and get moving!

Oh hey...if any of my followers are also on myfitnesspal.com.....find me and friend me! I need all the support in the world!

Oh and one HUGE success today! I came home from work and wanted to EAT cereal. Gawd I LOVE IT! But instead I got busy with other stuff, then ate dinner, then went for a walk, came home and was busy all the way to bed! YAY ME! I also haven't had a bite to eat since BEFORE 7pm! That is an accomplishment since we never seem to eat before 7! I know, it's terrible!

Ok....that is all....

WORD!
(I love Amy W.) LOL!

Food Police

I hate the food police! "I thought you couldn't eat that"!!!! Grrr! Shut the heck up! I can eat it now because I don't have restriction. Thanks for asking! Now go away!

Just wanted to vent!

Happy Friday!

Band?!?....What Band?

What?!? I have a band around the upper part of my stomach that is supposed to help me lose weight? Oh, come on! I can still eat ALL the foods that I ate prior to my surgery! I thought I wasn't going to be able to eat bread, pasta, rice and more....but Nooooooo, I still can! I know, I am bitching but WTF?!? I am stuck at the same damn weight! I eat less, I try to make better food choices, lots of protein and still nothing! I get my first fill the 21st and cannot freaking weight! (Yes, I spelled that wrong...on purpose) I know all you veteran banders are thinking...STFU and stop your bitching, we have been there and you will get through this! But I just have to bitch and moan once in awhile! I know it will get better! I just have to get all the negative thoughts out of my head before I explode! Ok, I am done with that!

Let's move on.......

I love shopping! I love shopping for everyone BUT me! I love shopping for my boys and my baby girl. I love shopping for my husband. I love shopping for household items, decorations, you-name-it I love shopping! BUT I LOATHE shopping for myself! I just hope that one day I will be able to shop for myself in a regular store and actually ENJOY shopping for myself. Today I bought my baby her very first swim suit! Soooo cute! I bought her some summer clothes too! I love shopping for her! I actually enjoy going to work because I know that I am making money which then I can spend on her...or my boys! Shopping just may be a slight addiction for me! Especially when I can't eat like a mad woman.

So, I am currently organizing 2 graduation parties! One for my 14 year old son who graduated from 8th grade and the other is for my husband who just completed his 5 year apprenticeship for plumbing! I don't quite understand the reason why we celebrate 8th grade graduations. It's not like he gets to choose whether or not he wants to go to school and therefore we are rewarding him with a party for making the right choice! I don't get it but oh well...let's party anyway! My husband has been talking about having this party since he started school so I know it means a lot to him. I have a lot of pressure on me to make this party a success. I put this stress on myself...another one of my little faults! I ordered an inflatable slip-n-slide today for all the kids and some of the adults. I have been working on food and thinking about decorations, etc. My mind just doesn't stop thinking about the party! I have the Evites sent out and the paper invites are addressed and ready to go, just need some dang stamps! People without email suck! I am so excited for the party but stressed too! What would my life be without those two emotions!

Goodnight all my followers! I am so grateful for all of you! thank you for your comments, words of wisdom and encouragement! Take care!

Direction...reverse!

Speaking of decisions, I am kinda stuck and taking a few steps in the WRONG direction! Since starting solids I have gone downhill. I just can't stop eating! I eat when I am not hungry. I don't have restriction so I don't have the band screaming at me to STOP! I called my surgeon's office yesterday and asked if I could get a fill sooner than June 21st. NOPE! Ugh....that sucks! I feel like I am going to fail with the band and that I am going to be fat for the rest of my life. I know I am in "bandster hell" but this really sucks! I feel so lost and confused on what I am supposed to eat. No carbs, low carbs......AHHHHHH! WTF!?! If I knew how to eat right, I wouldn't be fat! Right?!? When I spoke with the dietitian yesterday, he didn't give me that much advice either. So, I am going to try to get BACK on the WAGON tomorrow! It's been hotter than heck here so I have not wanted to go for a walk, but tomorrow....I will! Someone, please hold me accountable! I need someone to crack that whip! I know it will get better...it has to get better. I have to lose weight or I will die! So tomorrow I will make GREAT choices! I will eat 1,000-1,2000 calories. Plenty of protein and carbs in moderation! Sound good? I hope so!

I would like to say HEY to my 13 followers! Thank you all for your support! I appreciate all comments and could use some encouraging words and a few words to get my butt moving! Thanks again!!! :-)

FRiDaY! YIPPEE!

Happy Friday!!!

Last night I went clothes shopping...the one thing I hate most! I needed a new outfit for my hubby's graduation dinner tonight. I waited until the last possible minute, I know. I procrastinate. I am also a mother and it is hard as hell to do anything that revolves around me. I went to Catherine's, a plus size store. It took forever AND the baby cried and my son bitched and moaned the entire time. I am not thrilled with the outfit that I bought so I am leaving work a smidge early today and going to run to Avenue (another plus size store) to see if I can find something that I like a bit better. This time I am NOT bringing the kids. I asked Macy's sitter if she can keep her for a bit while I run around and Matt will be at school. I am so proud of my husband! 5 years of apprenticeship school for plumbing and he did it! He's a great guy!!!

Let's talk about weight loss. I am weighing only once a week and that will be Mondays. I know that if I see a gain that I beat myself up and sabotage my weight loss efforts. Ugh! So, obviously I am fat for several reasons. I don't really know what to eat and I don't know how many calories I should be consuming. The dietitian didn't spend a great deal of time with me. I am eating 3 meals a day and only snacking if I am absolutely physically hungry. I only when I am hungry. Here is what I ate yesterday:

• Breakfast: Weight Control Oatmeal (1 packet)
• Lunch: Tuna Salad (5-6 forkfuls), Refried Beans (1 cup) w/ sprinkle of cheese, Salmon (1-2 oz)
• Dinner: Sloppy Joes with Turkey meat (2 sandwiches WITHOUT the buns), Green Beans (1/2 cup), Fries (Handful)
• Water (2 liters)
• No exercise yesterday :-(

I have absolutely NO restriction and am able to eat nearly anything (haven't tried everything) and a fairly large quantity. I stop myself when I think that I am "satisfied" even though I would love to eat a LOT more! I am still struggling with head hunger and emotional urges to eat but I have done really well with distracting myself and it goes away. Wednesday I was gonna go crazy and eat cereal and whatever else I could find but instead I watched Amy W.'s vlog and it kept me from binging! Thank you Amy W.!

Speaking of  Amy W., I have been reading all of her old posts and they are so inspiring and funny! I think she needs her own TV show because she would definitely have at least one viewer, ME! She started her weight loss journey at nearly the same weight as me and so that makes me hopeful that I can make it to my goal weight! So, big thanks to AMY W.!

Have a Great Friday Everyone!

One Day at a Time

I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon on Monday. He took the staples out, thank goodness! Those little suckers were starting to tug when I walked and held the baby so they were ready to come out. My son even got to take one out. I like my surgeon. He pays attention to my kids, which is nice. So, anyway I got weighed and have lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. That's great but in my mind it isn't good enough. I want to see more come off. I have read people posting that they have lost 20+ on the pre-op diet alone. See, this is just another reason I am FAT! I never think my efforts are good enough and then that leads me to self-destructive behavior....EATING! I tell myself that 12 pounds is great and that my body is adjusting to the shock of eating well but my mind says...you must be doing something wrong. So, everyday I am struggling with those thoughts and trying not to let them get to me. It's hard but I have to do it.

The doc reminded me that my band is wide open and instructed me to restart solids, but slowly! I had tuna salad on Monday night with refried beans. That was WONDERFUL. Everything went down fine and that leads to another problem....I can potentially eat all the things that get me into trouble. I liked NOT knowing that my band was wide open. I liked thinking that things would get stuck. I know there is still a small chance something can get stuck but chances are slim. I am still able to eat fast. I am able to take regular bites. Getting my first fill can't come quick enough! I am scared! I am so scared that I will fall off the wagon one day and just eat. It is hard as hell to ONLY EAT WHEN HUNGRY! I am following that rule but I don't know how long I will be able to without knowing that the band is there to help me. Day by day...right!?!

To all the people that think that WLS is "the easy way out"....FUCK OFF! (sorry for the language) This surgery certainly was not easy! I now have 3 scars on my belly that will be there FOREVER. Every minute of the day I have to fight the urge to eat. I am constantly telling my mind NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE THAT. I have to THINK about my food choices because there are foods I cannot eat. This is not easy. I think that WLS takes courage and strength (although I am still searching for mine). One day at a time...

These are just some of my crazy thoughts...sorry for rambling but I gotta get this crap out of my head so that it doesn't consume me and I end up over eating! I hate you food....why do you have to taste (feel) so good?!?